Today is hard, I don't know if it is the backlash from a good weekend surrounded by friends, family and rollerderby... either way, I feel like things are incredibly unfair, why did Dad have to get ill, why couldn't Dad be one of the happy success stories so many others talk of, why couldn't Dad still be here with me, why can't Dad be here to give me advise and courage to do what I really want to do.
I am trying to be strong, trying to remember words and kindness from so many people since it has happened but all I want to do is scream and shout and cry...
Dads' page is still active on facebook, I often go on it and look at it, make a comment look at conversations he has had in the past. The last few times I've tried I've struggle to get to his page, today was no exception and thought it was finally over and I wouldn't be able to go to it again - this broke my heart a little bit. It seems so silly, it is only facebook, but it is a link, a way in, a way to make him still feel like he is here, even if I am totally kidding myself. I got their eventually, but I realise it may not be there forever - this makes me sad.
Yesterday was Fathers Day and we did the Fathers Day Macmillan Walk, which I will write another entry about another day, when negativity isn't so strong.
Miss you Dad. xxxx
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